And Eternity
by Professor Maka
Summary: Kid had believed that he was incapable of love until he developed feelings for Kilik, but romance is never simple, especially not for a Death God. Kid x Kilik (Dik).


A/N: This one is for Nick. Laura and Kat have my thanks for looking it over.

* * *

He'd never planned to fall in love. For a long, long time he was convinced he wasn't capable of it, that it simply wasn't in his nature. His father had never had any sort of close companion; he had kept weapons as weapons but nothing more.

Did Shinigami even know how to love? Until five years ago, Kid would have offered a firm no, at least in terms of romantic love. Sure, he had long loved many people, his friends, his weapons, but he was _in love_ with no one. They were his family and that was all he really needed. A life partner was something he had no desire for.

Until, one day, he did.

It all started as Kilik trained with Patti and Liz. With Kilik's own weapons so young and Kid only going on the rare dangerous mission, it made sense they should have a secondary meister, and Kilik was the natural choice. As the utility meister worked through movements, shirtless and sweating, Kid admired his form in the clinical, removed way he tended to admire things that were both symmetrical and aesthetically pleasing. Attraction was not a thing he felt, but watching a competent, fit meister wield was always enjoyable.

Kilik was both, and Kid had been there to offer him advice since wielding ranged weapons was a drastic change for him.

When the training session ended, Patti and Liz walked off with quick goodbyes, eager to get to some obligation with the other women of Spartoi, but Kilik lingered.

"So, you have dinner plans?" he asked casually. "Thought we could grab a bite and you could talk me through my form. I know I keep trying to get too close."

Kid really didn't have to think about it. Though he and Kilik did not spend much time together, he liked the utility Meister well enough, he had no plans, and though, strictly speaking, he didn't need to eat, he preferred to keep human habits. To eat and offer needed input was an elegant meeting of purposes.

"That would be fine"

"Great!" Kilik grinned, with the same easy enthusiasm that Kid had long envied from afar. "You like Caribbean? There's a great little place near the market."

Kid hadn't actually eaten Caribbean before; he had never cared enough about what he ate beyond its aesthetic appearance to venture outside what was easily available. "I'm fine with whatever you'd like."

"You'll love it, I promise. The Griyo tastes as good as my Mama used to make, and trust me, that's saying something. I'm just gonna shower so I don't smell like old gym socks the whole time. Meet me on the steps?"

"I'll be there, of course," Kid agreed. He rarely spent time with people his own age alone, even less so since taking his father's place. Usually he was in a group, or with his weapons. He had no objection to it, however, and found an evening with an acquaintance he liked and wouldn't mind knowing better had a certain level of appeal. As he made his way to the steps, he found himself whistling as he used to when he was young and excited. It had been too long since he had made a new friend.

Yes, friend. Kilik was at best an acquaintance when it all started, but their dinner had escalated that into friendship rather quickly.

It was a good dinner. Kilik was smart, easy going, took advice well while offering his own keen insights. He also had a subtle humor Kid appreciated, not garish like Black Star or raunchy like his weapons or snarky like Soul, just laid back and quiet. When Kilik suggested they repeat dinner the next week, Kid readily agreed. A second dinner led to a third led to weekly dinners led to Kid spending most nights with Kilik one way or the other, their friendship easy and enjoyable, a welcome relief from the stress of his role as shinigami.

He couldn't have told you when friendship became love, but the fact that it had hit him slowly. Kid felt it in the way Kilik's smile made his heart flutter, in the warmth he felt when their hands brushed, in the eagerness with which he anticipated their time together. Even then, he couldn't say for sure what he was feeling. It was new and strange and confusing.

Sitting next to Liz one day as all Spartoi took turns at basketball, watching Kilik and feeling his heart constrict at the sight of his well formed, glistening abs, Kid frowned. This was so odd and wrong. A shinigami should not be so affected by random body parts. His father surely had not been. He was very clearly defective.

"You look like you want to maim something," Liz interrupted his rapidly downspiriling thoughts. "You and Kil having a lovers spat?"

"Kil-kilik? And me? What-"

Liz rolled her eyes but didn't stop filing her nails. "You've been staring at him for the last twenty minutes and you guys spend every spare second together lately. Plus, I've seen the way you look at him. If you aren't a thing you're gonna be, and hey, you're both great guys. Go for it."

"You think-I have romantic feelings for Kilik." He spoke slowly. The very idea was a revelation. _Did he_? The idea of being close to Kilik, of being _with him_ made Kid feel warm.

" _DUH_. Either that or you finally stumbled on Patti's art room and and it scrambled your brain for good."

"Patti's-" he shook his head "-never mind, I don't want to know."

"It's really for the best." She blew on her nails and pocketed the file.

"But-even if I had romantic feelings for-well, how would I know if he reciprocates?"

Another eyeroll greeted him. "I've seen the way he looks at you, too. Really, if you two don't stop eye fucking and get to really fucking soon one of you is gonna lose his shit. No one can take that much UST and live."

"U-S-T?"

"Unresolved sexual tension. Sometimes I swear you were raised under a rock."

"In a mansion, actually."

"Same difference, clearly." She offered yet another eyeroll. "Look, Kid, as your friend and weapon, my advice to you is to get it, because trust me when I say Kilik is more than willing to give it, and I for one am damn tired of watching you look like a sick puppy."

"I'll-keep that in mind."

"You'll keep what in mind?" Kilik asked as he approached, towel slung over a shoulder haphazardly, looking rumpled and delicious.

By Father, he had _not_ just thought of his friend as delicious.

"Nothing." Kid waved a dismissive hand. "What's the plan for this evening?"

"Wellll," Kilik grinned. "Soul and Maka are off to Netflix and chill, which means Spartoi dinner is out. Caribbean again?"

"Sounds good." Kid stood off the bench and looked down to his weapon. "Will you and Patricia be joining us?"

"Nah." Her eyes strayed to Tsubaki, who was headed their way. "I'm in the mood for Japanese, and you two could use some alone time. Later!" With that, she got up and sauntered away and Kid worked not to gape after her. Fortunately, the threatening blush was easy to stifle and he thanked the heavens at large for the superior body control of a full blown Death God.

"So, shall we then?" Kid asked Kilik.

"Sure, let's."

A quick change and shower by Kilik (during which Kid hung out in the locker room and tried not to stare) and brisk walk later and they were seated in _Mama's de Morte_ munching on fried plantains. Their hand met in the basket at one point and Kid pulled it away as if stung; he had no idea what to do now that he realized he had feelings for this man that went beyond friendship.

How did one approach romance? Was he simply to ask if Kilik had feelings? If he wished to share in a romantic relationship?

Kid had no examples to work with. His own weapons kept their dalliances away from him, and while some of his friends were in relationships-Soul and Maka, notably, were together-how that had progressed from pining looks to coupling was beyond his scope of knowledge. He supposed he might ask, but that seemed incredibly awkward.

Maybe he could ask without showing his cards? Perhaps-perhaps asking the object of his affections-

"Have you ever dated?" Kid blurted suddenly between sips of pineapple soda.

Kilik looked a bit surprised by the question, but nodded. "A bit. Went out with Liz once-that was an adventure. Harv and I tried a couple dates, but he's still way too hung up on his meister. A few other times beyond that. Why?"

"I'm just curious, I suppose." He tried to sound casual. "I've never dated and wondered how one goes about expressing the wish to be romantically involved."

"Ah!" Kilik smiled at this. "Sometimes it just sort of-happens-but usually you begin by telling the person you like them and go from there."

"And if that person doesn't-like-you back?"

A shrug. "You move on."

"But what if-what if that person were a friend and you feared ruining the friendship? Would it not be uncomfortable if the feelings prove to be one sided?"

This produced a light laugh as Kilik ran a hand over his recently close cropped curls. "Man, yeah, it's gonna be a little awkward, but you move past it." He shook his head. "Look, between you and me, I made the mistake of asking Maka out about a year back. She looked at me like I had herpes, and really, I _knew_ better, but Soul wasn't making a move and who wouldn't be interested?"

"But you're still friends?"

"We are. It was weird for a few weeks but she got over it. Once she and Soul finally got it together a few months later it was a non issue."

"Ah. Well then." Kid cleared his throat and decided to take the advice he'd been handed. "I like you. Would you care to engage in a romantic relationship?"

Kilik laughed and shook his head, and Kid's heart fell into his knees.

"Man." He shook his head again, holding a hand out to indicate he had more to say. Catching his breath he grinned, and it was so breathtaking, Kid's heart rose from his knees to his throat. "I thought you'd never ask. _Only you._ " Another head shake, but Kilik's grin never wavered and Kid's answering grin threatened to devour his face it was so wide.

They finished dinner, a newfound anticipation buzzing between them, and as they reached Kilik's apartment to hang out and as Kid found himself quickly pinned against the door by a clearly eager utility meister, he was very glad he had taken Liz's advice.

Five years later, as he lay in bed with the very same utility meister, wrapped in his warm, strong arms, Kid felt the same, and yet, he had his doubts. At first, love had been amazing. Kissing and more than kissing, giving and taking, connecting in every possible way. Kid had discovered love and passion in one fell swoop, things he never thought he'd feel.

But as their relationship settled, as months faded into years, as he watched his friends marry and start families, sick realization began to gnaw at him. It had been _five years,_ and yet, they hadn't moved in together, even though the Twins were near graduating, even though Liz had long since moved out of the mansion and in with Tsubaki, even though there was nothing to hold them back but his own fear.

It began two years ago at Soul and Maka's wedding. Black Star had given a speech about how they would grow old together like the sad mortals they were, and though everyone else had laughed, it kicked something inside of him. _He_ wasn't mortal. _He_ would never grow old. But Kilik _would_. Could that be fair to either of them? Could it be fair to Kilik to never have a true companion, someone human, someone he could grow old with? And what about Kid? Could he stand it, to watch the one he loved grow old, to watch him die, to live an eternity with a cold, empty heart once the one who held it slipped down into the darkness?

It frightened him beyond anything he had ever known. Many times, he considered calling it off. Wouldn't it be more fair to both of them to end it now? Yet, Kid would forever mourn Kilik either way and the thought of losing him here and now _hurt_. In the end, he was a selfish creature for he simply could not do it.

He sighed, snuggling deeper into his lover's arms. Kid enjoyed being held liked this, basked in the feeling of being protected. Usually, as Shinigami, he had to be the protector, the strong one, but with Kilik, he could let go. He didn't know how to give that up, but he was also afraid to cement their bond, to ask him to move in or even marry.

Kid heard a sleepy yawn behind him, felt the body against him shift. "Can't you sleep?" Kilik asked, voice rough, his breath hot against his ear. Kid shivered and felt his body stir in anticipation.

"Just thinking," he replied with a sigh.

"About?"

"Well-" Maybe he should just ask. He'd always been too afraid to broach the subject with Kilik, but asking is how he they had ended up together to begin with. If he loved him-and he did-then wasn't that for the best? "Don't you ever worry that I won't age? I mean, wouldn't you rather be with someone you can grow old with?"

Kilik shifted, clutching him closer, and sighed. "No. I worry about you, about how you'll feel when-when I'm not here. Or that you'll regret being with me when I grow old and nasty-"

"That would never happen. You know that it's-" he interrupted more fiercely than he'd intended.

"The soul that matters? Yeah. But yeah, I worry about you. Me? I'm fine. Why wouldn't I want to be the one old geezer banging the hot young Death God?" Kilik laughed and Kid joined him, heart both relieved and sore. The one he loved wanted what he did in spite of everything, and yet, how could he ever stand to lose him?

As Kilik rubbed his hip Kid choose not to think about it. Someday, it would be his reality, a long cold eternity without him, but for now-for now, as he felt his lover rub against him eagerly, kissing his neck, he chose to live in the moment.


End file.
